I honestly believed the cancellation of Glenn Beck’s show would be much, much more monumental than this. My rage dreams on the subject usually involved mardi gras-esque parades, with mass rejoicing at the re-awakening of the intellect of his 2 million daily doomsday disciples. Granted I am not in America so would not have a clue if there were mass parades that the main news networks are not covering. I sincerely hope this is the case.

Today will be a day I shall remember for a long, long time. Since the rise of Palin, those of us outside the US that noticed the death of American intellect and Political wherewithal have been busy building our bomb shelters, organizing our suicide pacts and otherwise preparing for Armageddon. The Armageddon set to follow in the wake of a conservative foreign policy backed by an incredibly powerful military establishment and an American population ready to believe virtually anything. From the outside, a country that not only allows Beck’s Caliphate/Nazi/Nazi-Caliphate/Progressive/Social Justice/Totalitarian rants to go virtually unchallenged in the mainstream discourse (apart from Fareed Zakaria, about the only regular public opponents to Beck’s message were obviously liberal and therefore easily discreditable in the eyes of his viewers), but whose voting population is made up of around 2% Glenn Beck disciples is a very, very scary proposition.

To mark this incredible occasion I will now compose a Eulogy for what the idiots have lost and humanity has gained. Please note this is my first ever Eulogy, but considering the astonishing ability of Beck followers to misinterpret literature, I think I should be fine.

I first encountered Glenn Beck’s show through a glorious piece of satire by Jon Stewart. I had happily seen off my neo-con stepfather a few years prior (and the nightly Bill O’Bluster that came with it), so until then I was blissfully unaware of the volcano of stupid that had erupted in America. Not wanting to give Glenn Beck any more viewers and ratings in Australia than he unfortunately already had thanks to the likes of Reverend Fred Nile, I started watching occasionally on the Internet. However, after having only been able to sit through the entirety of about two episodes without vomiting, I stopped trying halfway through 2010 (the laughs attained when you heard the ludicrous things he believed stopped being funny once you realized 2million+ Americans also believed them). Soon after, I started watching YouTube and other such clips of Left-Wing Pundits taking him out (I suggest http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/220649/march-04-2009/doom-bunker—glenn-beck-s–war-room- if you want a quick laugh), however that avenue was soon exhausted and my hit of insanity quickly dwindled from daily, to weekly, monthly and then finally to the point where he only showed up on my news radar for saying absolutely over the top ludicrous things (such as the liberals were teaming up with jihadists to create a global caliphate). Towards the end Beck started having advertising troubles, eventually only the advertisers that directly profited from a belief in imminent apocalypse (Gold, Food Insurance, Survival Seed Bank etc.) remained. It was probably this that finally killed the show off, after all Hannity is proof that Fox does not care about the content as long as money is made. Glenn Beck’s show was an enigma wrapped in a shell of paranoia and presented with a side of insanity. Oh how I shall miss it, and how the world will benefit from its passing. Glenn Beck Tv Program 2006-2011.


Glenn Beck’s last gift to humanity is that he is now moving to the internet, a place where his largely deluded old xenophobic audience will have a hard time finding him, and where a new generation of better informed people are the majority. While today only one strongman of idiocy has toppled, if recent history has taught us anything, this could be the start of something truly wonderful.


And now for our viewing pleasure, I present the press release from the cancellation of Glenn Beck’s show:

(New York, NY) Fox News and Mercury Radio Arts, Glenn Beck’s production company, are proud to announce that they will work together to develop and produce a variety of television projects for air on the Fox News Channel as well as content for other platforms including Fox News’ digital properties. Glenn intends to transition off of his daily program, the third highest rated in all of cable news, later this year.
Roger Ailes, Chairman and CEO of Fox News said, “Glenn Beck is a powerful communicator, a creative entrepreneur and a true success by anybody’s standards.  I look forward to continuing to work with him. ”

Glenn Beck said: “I truly believe that America owes a lot to Roger Ailes and Fox News. I cannot repay Roger for the lessons I’ve learned and will continue to learn from him and I look forward to starting this new phase of our partnership.”
Joel Cheatwood, SVP/Development at Fox News, will be joining Mercury Radio Arts effective April 24, 2011. Part of his role as EVP will be to manage the partnership and serve as a liaison with the Fox News Channel.

Roger Ailes said:  “Joel is a good friend and one of the most talented and creative executives in the business. Over the past four years I have consistently valued his input and advice and that will not stop as we work with him in his new role.”

“Glenn Beck” is consistently the third highest rated program on cable news.
For the 27 months that “Glenn Beck” has aired on Fox News, the program has averaged more than 2.2 million total viewers and 563,000 viewers 25-54 years old, numbers normally associated with shows airing in primetime, not at 5pm. “Glenn Beck” has dominated all of its cable news competitors since launch.


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